How to Get Away With Dating While Married

When you get married, as I have gone and done, you assume you are done with dating for good. And thank dog, right? Who needs it. Dating is expensive, making reservations is annoying, it’s difficult to find new activities all the time, conversation can be awkward and ..it’s a chore.

I never enjoyed dating. I liked meeting new people … sometimes, but dating was almost never fun. Maybe that’s just me. I hated retelling my story over and over to women who never seemed that interested. I found myself in too many month long nothing relationships that neither party really cared about. It kind of sucked.

Then I met this lady.

She likes soup and tells hilarious jokes.

On our first date, my wife and I went to a nice restaurant together. We wore decent clothes, had a delicious meal with drinks, appies and dessert, and got to know each other over the course of an hour or so.

I was pretty sure it was just another date and wouldn’t really lead anywhere, but we ended up married a few years later.

Who knew!?

So, it turns out, my wife (to respect her anonymity, let’s call her…Butt Toast) likes to go on dates. Butt Toast likes appetizers, deserts and fancy conversations. She likes getting dressed up and going out sometimes. This behaviour is strange and confusing to me. Doesn’t she know that we have food and chairs at home? And we talk all the time.

"What time will you be home?"
"Do we need eggs?"
"Don't write about me on your blog"

All the time

But, because I want to be a good husband to Butt Toast, I take her on dates.

Every month we plan a date. Sometimes I plan it in secret, sometimes we plan it together, but we’ve both come to enjoy the “what do you want to do for our _______ date?” conversation. Last month we went to a top restaurant, this month another, but we’ve done all sorts of fun stuff on our monthly dates. It’s always something to look forward to, it gives Butt Toast an opportunity to wear something other than her Winnie the Pooh vest (she has literally been wearing this thing for over 20 years) and I’m finding that when you go on a date with someone who you feel something other than indifference towards, you actually have fun!

Monthly Wife Dates.

You should try it, right Kanye?